I'll Always be a Foreigner

 I’ll Always be a Foreigner

It was at the end of 2016 that my whole family moved to South Africa. I experienced a lot of struggles regarding adjusting to a new culture and environment, which eventually led me to an internal conflict on my identity. At first, like any other international students or immigrants, it was difficult for me to adapt to a new culture, especially a country that was less known. I had a language barrier, and I was full of fear. Even after these problems were gone, I was still a foreigner for most of the population which made me feel like I won’t fit in and belong in this community completely. Losing confidence over time, that was my first two years in South Africa. 

Imagine a new-born baby. Completely new environment, no longer safely protected in mother’s womb. Loud noises and a language that cannot be understood. Change in a way of taking nutrients. All the anxious feelings. This is exactly how international students feel, no longer in a comfort zone of being in their home. What’s waiting for them is adjustment to surroundings and needs for support and help. People outside don’t recognize these struggles - they see it as a new beginning - rather a beautiful term, although the reality isn’t so pleasing.

According to Statista, there were over one million international students in the United States during the 2022 to 2023 academic year. The number increased steadily except when the Covid-19 pandemic struck. Now, looking at the number increasing again, it seems that there will be more international students in the United States unless an unexpected event happens. What is meant by this is that there will be more students who struggle from difficulties that come from being in a new country. 

Some of the common challenges that are faced by international students, suggested by The Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds, are: Language barriers, Academic challenges, Social and cultural differences, Discrimination, Financial difficulties and Psychological difficulties. It is difficult to say which of these factors play the biggest role in one’s struggle since everyone goes through something different. However, for sure, none of this comes by itself. They are all related. Some of the ways that are suggested to get through are to access college resources, talk with other college students and seek for family support, but are they really a solution? These do not fix the fundamental problems. What is most important is that individuals need to get their mindset strong. Which, of course, is not so easy. 

Being an international student for seven years, including two years in between which I spent back in my home country, South Korea, was rather a strange experience that most people wouldn’t have in their entire life. Not only strange, but with lots of ups and downs.

After experiencing the harsh reality and losing confidence in living in a new country, my turning point started as I moved to another school. There, I stopped trying to fit in by pursuing values that aren’t even mine. First thing I did was to accept my identity as a foreigner. I stopped using an English name, Joanna. It never felt real for me. Jungyeon is my real name and only then, I felt free. Yes, I found my way to survive - by accepting my identity as a ‘foreigner’. Once I identified myself, the biggest worry was about academic challenges, just like any other students around me. Only after accepting I am different; I finally became part of the community. I thought that would be the end of my identity crises, but another challenge comes in from a very unexpected place.

After finishing high school, I went back to Korea, my home, which I longed for so much. However, reality was quite different. Who could have imagined that they would feel foreign in their own country? Unfortunately, that was me. I didn’t have many friends left whom I kept contact with, and meeting up with my old friends was not as entertaining as before. We grew up in such a different environment. They thought my stories were interesting but keeping our interest together and continuing having conversation was a different story. Something that I thought would never be a problem. I realized that friendship, and my desire to belong, aren’t enough. In the end, all the friends I hung out with during those two years were international students just like me, who have spent years in other countries, who could understand each other’s situation. 

Again, I felt left out realizing that I won’t be fully part of the Korean community. This was a shock for me since I always identified myself as Korean and wanted to go back to the country to settle there. In some way, my identity as a Korean being partially denied was much more difficult to accept than living in another country as a foreigner. It felt like I lost my home. I still feel this way. I don’t have my family in Korea which makes it worse. However, there is nothing I can do. What has happened is something I have no power to change and again, remedy to all these problems is to accept that I am a foreigner. Even in my own country! It sounds weird but this is the reality. 

  Now, I’m in another country, again. Unlike before, it isn’t as difficult to fit into the environment. I no longer have difficulties in communicating with others. The cultural difference is something that I was expecting, and besides that, I didn’t experience that much of a difference. There are several reasons behind why I am not struggling as much. One of the factors would be because I’m in the United States where lots of information was already available which allowed me to get ready beforehand. Another factor, which I think is huge, is my prior experience in South Africa. It is natural that a person, or even an animal finds it easier to adjust to changes that they already went through before. In this sense, I am thankful for my parents who already exposed me to the struggles from a young age. 

Unlike myself, there are many other international students whom it is their first time studying abroad. The only thing I can say is to take your time and everything will get better. Afterall, I strongly suggest that you accept that you are a foreigner. Once you are outside, there is no going back. Enjoy the privilege, that you got to experience a bigger world that most people won’t be able to. Do your best to achieve the goal that you wanted to, by coming overseas. Play your role as a foreigner. There are places that need us. We all know that the decision to leave our home wasn’t an easy or a simple decision. Make that decision worth it, and I guarantee you that you will grow up as a human being of another level. 

I’ll always be a foreigner. Anywhere in the world. In every country, including my own. It is an undeniable fact that I went through a rough time, and I still get suffocated by worries and identity crises when I think about my situation as a foreigner. Do I regret all the decisions I made though? No. There is much more that I gain from this precious experience of being exposed to a world and I hope everyone will realize that and handle the situation wisely.